The Premier League’s seasonal experiment with anti-football broke startling new ground at the dawn of 2026, with several leading clubs phoning in dismal 0-0s as though safe in the knowledge that we, the audience, will still keep watching that garbage.

The bold decision to throw a junior staff member under the bus did not rejuvenate Liverpool, who dropped another two points at home to Leeds. Tottenham fans went to Brentford and trolled their own team and manager for 90 minutes. Even Erling Haaland can’t score right now.

There is at least one interesting thing to talk about today, thanks to the divorce of Chelsea and Enzo Maresca. At times last season the coach was the villain, but he leaves as a strange kind of martyr. We talk about the challenges of working for BlueCo, and whether Liam Rosenior is the kind of figure who can unite a club at war with itself.

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